Damned Promises
by bekah.jane
Summary: Even after waiting seven long hours in a cold, miserable hospital, Sirius could not have been prepared for the extent of emotion his new godson would inspire in him. Post-Hogwarts Marauder Era.


He _could _be at home listening to what would probably pan out to be the most important game of the Quidditch season. He _could _be working on his new motorcycle. Hell, it was 1:00, he could probably be at the bar already. Surely there'd be some flock of lonely housewives around that time...

Instead, Sirius was stuck in the monochrome hospital waiting room, sitting on a hard chair and drinking bitter coffee from a styrofoam cup, listening to the wails of pregnant women, the woes of expectant fathers and whines of newborn children. He made no attempt to hide his distaste, punctuating every second breath with an impatient huff or mumble.

"Padfoot!" Remus hissed sharply in reprimand as Sirius' moans grew too loud and drew attention.

Sirius sighed and straightened up in the horrid, cold chair, as he found that he'd been slowly sinking lower with every second. He rubbed his eyes and slumped forward, resting his elbow on his knee and his chin on his hand. Remus chuckled quietly to himself.

"What?" Sirius grumbled.

"Oh, nothing much." Remus replied in that insufferable, self-amused tone, "I just find it funny that, even in a delivery ward, you still manage to act like the only child in the room."

Sirius rolled his eyes and sat back, stretching his long back before settling into a more comfortable position.

"I think you need some more coffee, Moony." he shot back lazily, "You're not up to your usual standard, humor-wise."

Remus scoffed, "That's interesting. I was always under the impression that you and James thought I had no sense of humor whatsoever."

"Oh, contraire, Moony, my friend," Sirius shook his head, "I've always quite enjoyed your humor."

Remus scoffed again, louder this time, "Yeah, right. I doubt you're even aware of half the jokes I make."

"Oh, I'm aware of them, they're just not funny." Sirius teased.

"Sure, Sirius, whatever you say. I have it under good authority that I'm quite humorous, you're head is just too full of sand to understand political humor."

"Boring humor, you mean." Sirius laughed, "And the fact that you describe it as 'quite humorous' tells me the exact opposite."

Remus dropped it there, deciding to get more coffee rather than argue with a brick wall, leaving Sirius on his own and twice as bored. He watched the double doors marked 'Delivery' like a hawk, waiting for James to burst through them and announce that the whole ordeal was over. Then Sirius could go home, wash the hospital smell off and enjoy the night.

It wasn't that Sirius wasn't happy for his best friend. In fact, he was ecstatic. He couldn't think of anyone more suited for fatherhood than James Potter, who had matured so much since graduation (Sirius was well aware that he, on the other hand, probably still belonged in kindergarten). But did Sirius really have to be there in the cold waiting room for three hours?

"You could try and look a bit more excited, this isn't a funeral, you know?" Remus had returned with his coffee.

"I know." mumbled Sirius, "A funeral would be over by now."

Remus sighed, "You would think you'd be at least a little happy. This is your godson being born, you know?"

"I know, I know, I'm over the moon," Sirius snapped, "But really, the kid won't even remember I'm here, and we've got the rest of our lives to bond."

Remus made an unimpressed noise but said nothing.

"Really, I think it's rude of us to be here." Sirius continued, jutting out his chin slightly, a remnant of his heritage, "If I were James and Lily, I wouldn't want a crowd, I'd want my kid all to myself."

"Don't try and play the good guy, Sirius, all you care about is your own entertainment." Remus chided.

Sirius' retort was cut short as a sudden yell emitted from delivery.

"IT'S A BOY!" the voice boomed, "IT'S A BOY!"

The waiting room tittered in amusement. Remus and Sirius exchanged a knowing look.

"A boy..." Remus murmured, "Wow."

They were then approached by a tired looking woman in blue scrubs.

"You're with the Potter's?"

Sirius gave an unintelligible grunt. Remus nodded enthusiastically.

"We're finally finished." the nurse puffed, wiping sweat from her brow, "It was a long one, but we got there."

Sirius made another unimpressed sound.

"Mother and child are completely healthy, father is bouncing off the walls. I'm sure you already heard that it's a boy. I'll come back out and let you know when you can visit."

Remus glanced at his watch anxiously, "Actually, I have an interview I need to get to..."

Sirius' head snapped up, "What?"

"I'll come by afterwards..."

"You're leaving?" Sirius barked.

"Could you give them my best?"

The nurse nodded and turned on her heel, disappearing behind the doors again.

Remus picked up his old coat from the chair and folded it over his arm.

"You can't leave!" Sirius groaned.

"I have to, Sirius, I've got a good feeling about this job and I need to take anything I can get." Remus explained tiredly.

"Since when did Remus Lupin set any store in 'good feelings'?" Sirius complained as Remus turned.

"Bye, Sirius." Remus called amusedly over his shoulder.

* * *

><p>Four hours later, Sirius was seriously considering running through to the emergency ward, as both of his buttocks had grown so numb he was sure they'd never wake again. This, he decided, had gone so far past ridiculous that it was ridiculous again. Didn't James remember that he had the attention span of a squirrel? Things had gotten so grim that he'd even taken to reading the pamphlets on the little magazine table. He now knew more about the transition to menopause than he'd ever wished to know. Next he'd struck up conversations with some surprisingly attractive new mothers, but the presence of new fathers and new children had put a dampen on his natural charm. Finally, he resigned himself to counting the little red dots on the blue rug.<p>

He was almost halfway across the rug when the nurse mercifully returned.

Sirius sat bolt upright, pulling every muscle below his shoulders in the process.

"So?" he snapped, unintentionally harsh.

The woman pursed her lips at him and then sighed, resigned, "Normally, we give parents a few more hours to bond, but Mr Potter insisted that you join them before visiting hours end. Follow me."

Sirius clambered to his feet and trailed after the nurse, steeling himself. Truth be told, he'd never been too good with babies. The only baby he'd held was his brother, Regulus, and the git had gone right ahead and thrown up over his shoulder. He was honored that the Potter's had chosen him to be the kid's godfather and he wanted to prove that he was worthy, but he guessed that a lot of it would be forced. At least until Baby Potter was old enough to do anything interesting.

The nurse led him through a short hall and then into the maternity ward. The room was large and eerily quiet. There were eight beds, all occupied, though he didn't have any time to look around. His arms were immediately filled with a sobbing boy, and not the one he was expecting.

"Um... There, there?" Sirius stammered, patting James awkwardly on the back. As close as the two were, they were never really the type for hugs, nor much emotion. And yet, here was James, openly bawling over his shoulder, each sob punctuated with maniac sort of laugh.

"He's... I'm... daddy... boy..." James wailed.

Sirius managed to free himself from his best mate's grasp to look at his face, and immediately relaxed. Nothing was wrong, James was crying with happiness. He couldn't help the silly grin that graced his face then; he was sure he'd never seen James so happy.

"All good?" Sirius confirmed.

James nodded feverishly, "All good. Come and meet him!"

Sirius felt a pang of nervousness. _Okay, _he told himself, _relax and remember the routine. _He had, indeed, built a routine during his period in the waiting room. From watching the other couples with their babies, he could identify a set of signature moves. He'd take the baby when given, support it's head and smile, pat his head and coo and then return him. Easy.

James led Sirius to the end of the room to Lily's bed. The fiery red head was visibly exhausted but she sat up on the pillows with a wrapped bundle in her arms and a broad smile on her face. She threw an affectionate glance James's way before turning to Sirius.

"Hey, Pads." she murmured, "Sorry for the wait."

Sirius bit back his complaints and shrugged indifferently. There'd be plenty of time to make James pay for that later, right now he couldn't bare to wipe those smiles off their faces. Lily held out the bundle (Sirius noticed James had wasted no time in wrapping him in a Gryffindor scarf) for him to take.

"Harry." she stated simply.

Sirius gulped and stepped forward, stretching his arms out gingerly. Lily placed the baby in his arms and he pulled it back to his chest. It took him an embarrassingly long time to locate the head amongst the red and gold fabric. _Support it's head, _he reminded himself, _Smile, idiot, smile!_

But then Sirius really looked. Harry Potter's hair was the exact shade and consistency of his father's. His large, emerald eyes peered up at him in wonder for a moment before, whether Sirius imagined it or not, they brightened. Sirius was thunderstruck. This was nothing like holding his screaming, smelly brother. Baby Prongs was quiet and innocent, a fragile little thing that was barely as long as Sirius' forearm.

"He's beautiful." Sirius murmured, shocking James and Lily with his tone.

Harry gave a small gurgle.

"In a totally manly way." he corrected, smiling down at the boy.

The scarf shifted as Harry pulled his little arms out of his wrapping. Instinctively, Sirius shifted the baby into one arm and presented his free hand to the boy. Harry's tiny fingers immediately latched around Sirius's finger, squeezing. The pressure was barely there, but Sirius could tell he was using all his strength.

All at once, Sirius forgot the seven hour wait, his aching muscles, the sterile smell of the hospital and, most disturbingly, menopause. None of that mattered anymore because his world had shifted. This child, Harry James Potter, was worth it all and then some. This tiny boy with his hand latched onto Sirius' finger was the most important thing.

"He's healthy?" Sirius asked, tearing his eyes away from Harry to look at James.

James nodded, "Completely. Hopefully he'll get his mother's perfect eyesight to match the colour."

Lily smiled, "I think he looks like James, mostly."

Sirius shook his head, "Nah, he's too handsome. Takes after his godfather."

Right on cue, Harry let out a happy note.

"Visiting hours are up in ten minutes!" the nurse from before announced at the door.

Sirius frowned. It hadn't yet occurred to him that he might have to give Harry back.

"You can come back tomorrow." Lily assured him, observant as always, "And bring Remus along."

"And Pete, if you can find him." James added, "I wasn't able to get in touch with him before we got here. I haven't heard from him in a few weeks, actually. I hope he's okay..."

Sirius nodded, barely listening. He'd turned his attentions back to Harry who still clutched his finger in earnest. He wondered how he could have ever been bored waiting for this moment.

"Plans tonight, Padfoot?" James asked conversationally.

Sirius shook his head. He had completely lost interest in going out. He guessed he'd still be in shock for a good week after this moment.

"Wanna stay at the Hollow?" James offered.

Sirius frowned, "You're not staying?"

"'Strictly no overnight visitors!'" James mocked the nurse, rolling his eyes, "I would if I could. I'm coming back first thing in the morning, though. We can pick up Moony on the way."

"Sure, sounds great. The heating in my apartment's busted, anyway." Sirius agreed. He could sense it was nearing the appropriate time to say goodbye to mother and child but he was milking every second he could get.

Harry finally released his finger, resting that hand and using his other to clutch at the tassel on the end of the scarf.

"It'll be nice and safe, too." Lily said, bitterness evident in her tone.

Sirius raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Dumbledore came by the other day and put some more protections on the house." James explained, running a calming hand through Lily's hair.

"I came home from my parents' at 3:30 and didn't get inside until 4." Lily complained grumpily.

"I know, it's annoying." James soothed softly, "But you know it's necessary. Especially now."

He pointed her gaze to Harry. Sirius looked down, too. He hadn't even thought about the danger the baby was in. Harry had been born in the middle of war, possibly condemned to grow up in the shadows, hidden until he was equipped to take care of himself. And what if those shadows were compromised? The thought of those green eyes closing before they'd even seen the world sent a wave of pure terror through Sirius that was so intense, it frightened him.

He made a promise with himself then and there. Whatever happened; whatever bird he was chasing, whatever Quidditch game he was playing and, more importantly, whoever it meant fighting, he would protect Harry Potter. He had to.

"Visiting hours are over. Strictly no overnight guests in the maternity ward, sorry gents. Everyone out!"

James stood up, stretching his arms over his head before leaning down to kiss Lily tenderly.

"C'mon, Pads. We can probably hear the highlights of the game if we hurry." he suggested.

"Thanks for waiting around, Sirius," Lily added, "It means a lot."

Sirius smiled at her as James outstretched his arms.

"You two are getting a bit too cozy there, I think," he teased, "Mind if I say goodbye to _my _son?"

Sirius looked down at Harry. The baby had buried his face against the warmth of Sirius' chest and was breathing slowly, as if asleep.

"Bye Harry." he choked out, hardly able to keep his voice even.

_Never let anything hurt you, _he thought, _Promise to protect you._

The nurse had started to tap her foot impatiently. Sirius repeated the vow in his mind over and over as he inched closer to James.

"Come on, Padfoot." James said softly, completely knowingly, and then his tone brightened, "Punt 'im over!"

* * *

><p>He was older now, 13 years old, if Sirius calculated correctly. He <em>did <em>look like James, strikingly so, except for those enchanting eyes which were now behind circular frames. He was still small. _Too small,_ Sirius thought worriedly. He sat on the curb of the street with his belongings. From the ruckus he'd heard in number 4 Privet Drive, it was clear to Sirius that Harry had been kicked out. The sky was darkening by the minute and soon Harry started to shiver from the cold. He pulled his oversized, obviously second hand jacket tighter around his shaking shoulders. Even from the way the boy sat, it was clear the type of kid he was. Quiet, polite, unobtrusive. He looked so vulnerable in his baggy clothes and underfed frame. It pained Sirius to admit it, but this was clearly a boy subject to neglect, there were no two ways about it. After all, it had been James Potter who had identified those signs in Sirius all those years ago.

After twelve years in Azkaban, seeing Harry Potter again should have been his happiest moment, but Sirius' sorrow was making it hard for him to breathe. Elation and affection were dull, dwarfed by Sirius' overwhelming guilt that, in the end, he had broken his promise.

* * *

><p><strong>So, what d'you think? Personally, I like it. I absolutely love writing little back and forths between Sirius and Remus but I've not really done much in the way of intense emotion. Or, rather, I write emotion a lot but I'm not particularly confident in my abilities. I'd love to get some feedback, but please be kind. Also, if anyone else writes some nice Sirius and Harry bonding fics, I'd love some recommendations! :D Well, I'm off to enjoy the fact that I'm on holidays! Thanks for reading!<strong>


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